Time flies by even when your not having fun, but having fun???

I have to say when I look back into my past, as much as I can remember of it, I see happy and sad times as we all do.  My best times were when my kids were all young and silly.  My four oldest children are 16, 15, 13 and 11 years old.  When they were 7 years old and under, we had wonderful times together.  Just the 5 of us.  There were relationship issues with my now x husband going on that prohibited "family time" in it's traditional sense.  The children and I would attend church together and go to Chuck E. Cheese together.  The park was always great!  They kept me sane and happy and kept my focus off the hurtful things in my life.  There was a sense of depression that was inside of me due to the self esteem issues that arose out of being emotionally and mentally and even sometimes physically abused.  A normal day in our house when the kids were all under school age would be, my husband would get up quietly for work and never wake any of us up and he would just leave.  So, when I did wake up, I would tend to the kids, clean up the house and take care of things, and then by the end of the day when I knew he was coming home, we would leave to visit family or go to a fun place or the park before he arrived.  I was running from the pain.  We would return within a few hours just before bedtime and do it all over again the next day.  The reason for my running was the abuse, but he never did anything in front of the kids. I was still protecting them because I couldn't trust him.  Now how this has to do with weight loss, I will tell you.  During all the years, I suffered through many different forms of verbal and emotional abuse that kept my self esteem down to where I had come to terms with the "fact" that I was worthless, and I was fine with it.  That's really bad.  I thank God in Heaven for those sweet babies that kept me happy and sane through some of the most humiliating and hurtful things in my life.  However, there was another form of "comfort" that I was drawn to and that was food.  I remember times when I would order a large pizza at our favorite place.  The large ones had about 12 slices I think??  The kids would each have one, and I would nearly finish the rest of it.  Obviously this is not healthy and caused severe weight gain, along with the sweet tooth I had.  Thinking of these memories is making me a little upset, so I am going to take a break and come back in a couple days or so.  Have a blessed day!